Of Flickies and Charmies
by Tailsisreal
Summary: Tails is growing up and Sonic has to give him 'the talk' one night. Can he do it, or is he the one in for the surprise? oneshot. Rated M for discussing sex. Son/Sally and Son/Tails brotherly. Super cute and non-offensive!


Disclaimer: I do not own Sonic the Hedgehog or any other related characters, nor would I want to because I'd probably mess them up horribly! lol Also, the characters in this story from the comic books and SatAM cartoons also aren't mine, and I would definitely mess them up if I haven't already.

Hello, and welcome to another one of my fabulous and completely unexpected oneshots! I have actually been so excited writing this one that I haven't slept for two nights now! (Well, OK, I got a few hours of sleep, but it sure doesn't feel like it!) This is my first attempt to do something very different for me, and that's to write a story in the SatAM/Archie Sonicverse. I must admit that I'm a slightly educated amateur at best when it comes to these particular versions of Sonic history, so, if SatAM was your thing, I apologize greatly in advanced. (I tried really hard, I swear!) This story won't follow any real timeline within the show or the comics as I will only introduce a vague storyline of my own for the explicit purpose of this fanfic. (If it does fit in the official timeline, it was purely by accident.)

As I said, this is a oneshot I worked hard on because it's one of those situations where you have to do it perfectly or not at all. (and I really wanted to do this one!) I have always wondered how Sonic would handle it when it finally came time to give Tails 'the talk', so here's my version of what would happen! There are several direct sexual references, of course, (you can't really have a story like this without them!) but I assure you that just as badly as Sonic wants to preserve Tails' innocence, I want to keep the readers from hearing or seeing things in their minds that they shouldn't, as well. (I know sex is a taboo subject in most cultures, including mine, so I promise that I was delicate and chose my words with the utmost care for you, the reader.) Controversial and difficult as it is, though, I am honestly considering this oneshot to possibly be the pinnacle of my writting ability at this time because it just turned out perfect! (or at least close enough to it that I couldn't tell the difference!) Please, PLEASE, read this wonderful and very cute fanfic and REVIEW!! I am extremely interested in what you thought about it! (If you want to flame me for writing the characters wrong or for using such a offensive topic, go ahead. I realize that not everyone will like this story because of its main focus being so socially awkward. If you're any kind of Sally/Sonic or Sonic/Tails brotherly fan at all, though, you will absolutely love it!)

Oh, and one last thing... Any fans of my work should be watching carefully as they read. Just 'cause this story is a oneshot doesn't mean I haven't added one of my notorious twists!

Of Flickies and Charmies

He breathed a sigh of great relief as he entered the gates of the woodland refuge. He had been away for so long that he had begun to forget the layout of the forest hideaway. Running with his trademark speed around the great many huts and villas in the small town, Sonic felt relaxed for almost the first time in a whole half of a year. He had been gone for so long because he was elected to head the restoration project of Mobotropolis after Dr. Robotnik's final defeat almost a year ago today. Needless to say, Sonic hadn't felt like the administration position was the right place for him, but the orders had come from King Acorn himself, which had left Sonic no choice in the matter. Finally back on a much needed vacation to celebrate the anniversary of the maniacal madman's fall from power, Sonic felt like he was finally coming home.

Of course, the celebration of Dr. Robotnik's demise and the end of his reign of terror was not the only reason Sonic had returned to Knothole. He also had another anniversary to celebrate as well, one that just so happened to coincide closely with the momentous victory a year ago. Sonic smiled as he continued to silently weave his way through the familiar homes at his trademark speed. That would be his first stop tonight. He arrived moments later at the small hut that he knew was the home to the Princess of Acorn, Sally.

Knocking quietly on the closed door, Sonic listened for signs of movement inside. After a long wait and several repeated knocks, the blue hedgehog came to the conclusion that the female squirrel was not home and probably busy elsewhere, most likely preparing for the festival tomorrow. Realizing his unfortunate timing and that everyone he knew would be occupied in preparing for the huge celebration, Sonic decided to return to his old hut not too far off rather than disturb the others who would be too busy to afford him showing up and causing a distraction. On the way there, however, he passed another familiar hut that had a light still lit in the bedroom window.

_Tails, _Sonic remembered while his heart did a somersault in his chest at the joy of finding someone he recognized and cared for that he could visit. He quickly dashed up to the small hut's door, which was slightly ajar anyways, and walked in quietly. The main room he entered was pitch black from the lack of illumination from the small window across the room which was closed with two large shutters against the night air outside. Sonic cast his glance to the flickering candle light coming from a door-less entryway to his right and slowly followed it into Tails bedroom. He heard noises coming from the room as he approached and rounded the corner to greet his younger charge.

Peering around the doorway, Sonic saw the brown-furred, two-tailed fox preparing for bed like he always did. He watched silently as his adopted brother, which Sonic almost considered more of a son, straightened his sheets and got ready to dive into bed. Before the fox leaped onto the feathery mattress, however, Sonic saw him cross the room to his small wooden dresser that the hedgehog had never seen before and remove a pair of what seemed to be underwear briefs and quickly slip them on. Stunned by the strange action he had never witnessed the fox do before, Sonic decided to break the silence as he stepped fully into the room at last. "Yo, Tails! What're those for?" Sonic spoke in a volume that sounded too much loud compared to the silence of the room a second ago.

"AAAaahhhh!" Tails shouted as he jumped into the air at the unexpected greeting. The fox didn't know who was talking to him because he had been facing the other direction when Sonic walked in, and now Tails' years of Freedom Fighter training kicked in as the young vulpine immediately spun his twin tails to take to the air in self-defense. In his surprise, however, Tails had neglected to remember the height of the low ceiling of his small hut and cracked his head on a support beam for the thatched roof with a loud thud. Dazed at the impact, Tails lost his focus and his two furry propellers stopped spinning as he fell quickly back to the floor of his room.

Seeing the fox's distress, Sonic rushed over and caught the plummeting kitsune before he could impact the floor with his head like he had just done on the ceiling a second ago. "Whoa there, little bud! You OK?" Sonic asked worriedly as he held the stunned kit in his arms.

Tails stopped his rolling head with his hands as he slowly came out of the stupor from the unexpected blow from behind. His started to recognize the voice as he realized his surprise guest had saved him from a very painful fall to the hard floor below. Opening his eyes at last, the brown and white kit forgot about the lingering pain entirely at the sight of the person holding him at that moment. "Sonic! Oh, Sonic! I haven't seen you for almost forever!" Tails excitedly shouted.

"C'mon bud, it hasn't been that long!" Sonic teased as he let the revived kit back down on its own two legs. "It's just been a few months pal! You wouldn't believe the mess that old 'Buttnik left in Mobotropolis for us to clean up!"

"So, are you back for the celebration tomorrow?" Tails asked in a voice of expectation as his large blue eyes twinkled in hopefulness for the hedgehog's response.

"Heh, you bet cha', little guy!" Sonic said as he watched the young fox jump for joy at the news that his best friend would be staying for a while.

"Yes! Yes! Sally told me you'd be coming for the festival and that you might stay a little while, too! I'm really glad you're back, Sonic!" Tails excitedly spoke as he rushed over to the blue hedgehog and gave him a tight hug around the hedgehog's midsection.

"Ooooff! Hey, it's good to be back, bud, but do ya think you could let me go? I kinda gotta breathe here, too!" Sonic managed to say while Tails did his best to squeeze the breath out of him. Tails obediently let go of Sonic a moment later with a huge grin still spreading across his face from cheek to cheek. "So, Sal and the others are all gettin' ready for tomorrow, huh?" Sonic asked the excited kit.

"I think so," Tails responded quickly, "Aunt Sally told me that I would have to tuck myself in tonight 'cause she would be busy."

"That reminds me, bro, what's up with the new duds?" Sonic said as he pointed to the briefs the young fox was wearing as he stood right in front of him.

"What? Oh, these!" Tails caught on to Sonic's vague reference to the strange article of clothing. "Ummm… Well, Miss Rosie gave these to me to wear at nights to help with my problem, but it's nothing important!" Tails tried to curtail the hedgehog's curiosity in the current area of discussion.

"What problem, bud? I've never seen you wear clothes before I left," Sonic continued the subject regardless.

"Well, it kinda just started a couple weeks ago, so you probably weren't told about it by Sally yet," Tails answered. "Actually, I kinda told her not to tell you," the fox added while he looked at his own feet in shame of telling Sonic the truth. Quickly though, Tails raised his eyes back to meet Sonic's own as he tried his best to again dismiss the subject, "But, it's really not a big deal anyways, so it doesn't matter."

"Anything that is serious enough that you try and hide it from me is pretty important in my book, bud!" Sonic pressed the evasive fox for answers to the obviously delicate matter. "Come on, little bro, ya know that ya can't keep any secrets from me! Tell me what's goin' on," Sonic requested again.

"Well… OK, Sonic," Tails finally acquiesced. "But it's a long story."

"How 'bout I tuck you into bed while you explain it to me then?" Sonic proposed. Tails immediately nodded his head in approval as the blue hedgehog swept him up in his arms and plopped the giggling, brown-furred kit into his bed. Sonic brought the well made covers over the young fox's body as Tails wiggled around into a comfortable position on his side to stay facing the blue hedgehog as his tails hung off the other side of the bed. "OK, bud, all comfy now? So, what's this problem you were tellin' me about?"

"Uhhh… Well, I kinda don't like talking about it 'cause it's kinda embarrassing…" Tails tried again to stall as he lowered his large blue eyes from Sonic's inquisitive green ones.

"Taaaiillls…" Sonic slowly spoke the young kit's name with a small crescendo as he finished the drawn out word. It was the same impatient voice that he always used when he wanted the truth from the young fox and the vulpine was being less than cooperative.

"OK, OK, fine! About a couple of weeks ago, I started to… Ummm… I mean, I… Well…" Tails tried to tell Sonic the truth but found it much harder to say than he had first thought.

"Come on, Tails. Out with it, bud," Sonic encouraged the faltering fox's tongue.

"I… I kinda started… (gulp) I started to…" Tails' voice again trailed off as he looked back at Sonic's face again. The blue hedgehog just sat there patiently with a small smile on his face as he waited for the fox's answer. Resolving to finally just spit it out, Tails closed his eyes in humiliation as he finished his sentence, "…wet the bed."

Sonic's eyes grew slightly at the fox's confession, but not because of shame on his younger charge for the lack of bodily control. The blue hedgehog found himself desperately fighting the urge to laugh at the revelation as he tried to keep a straight face. It proved impossible, however, as Sonic soon lost his composure in a burst of laughter right by Tails' bedside.

"Hey, it's not funny, Sonic!" Tails yelled at the rude hedgehog. "I only told you because I thought you were my friend and wouldn't laugh at me!" The young fox was now very mad and sat up in his bed with fumes above his head at his best friend's betrayal.

"Whoa, hold on a sec there, bud!" Sonic shouted out as Tails prepared to jump out of bed and storm out of the room. He tried to sound serious and commanding, but even now Sonic couldn't help but laugh during the middle of his sentence. "Hey, Tails! Come on, bud! I'm not laughin' at you! I'm laughin' because that's all this big problem you were tellin' me about was?! Just a little accident in bed?" Sonic managed to regain control over himself in time to calm the irate fox.

"Well, yeah, but it's not just something that happened once, Sonic!" Tails explained, somewhat puzzled that the hedgehog would find the current topic humorous in any way. "I've been doing it almost every night now for almost two weeks in a row! I've tried everything I can think of to stop it from happening before I go to bed, like using the bathroom right before I go home at night to sleep, but it just keeps happening! I didn't know what to do until Rosie came over to get my laundry to wash it for me one day a week ago. She noticed that I had a whole lot of sheets that I said needed washing but didn't look like it and asked me if there was a problem. I had to tell her, and she gave me these to wear at night so my sheets wouldn't get all wet," Tails concluded his long winded explanation as he pointed towards his diaper-like sleeping apparel.

"Wait just a sec there, Tails! Did you say your sheets didn't look dirty when you told Ms. Rosie they needed washing?" Sonic found himself stumped by the extraneous detail. If he knew one thing about Miss Rosie, it was that she could always tell if something needed cleaning as if it was a sixth sense of some kind she possessed. Sonic had a very hard time believing that the elderly grandmother wouldn't notice if Tails' sheets were stained yellow from a sudden rash of nighttime accidents.

"Well, that's what's even weirder, Sonic!" Tails blurted out, figuring it was time to finally lay all his cards on the table. "What comes out whenever I'm asleep and don't feel it, it's not… well, Ummm… it's not pee." Tails' face cringed at saying the blunt, three-letter word that he knew was unacceptable to use in a conversation.

Sonic's face twisted slightly into a very confused expression at the fox's last sentence. "What do ya mean, bud? I don't see how…"

"I know it sounds weird," Tails interrupted the puzzled hedgehog as he explained further, "But it's different than what comes out when I use the bathroom! It's colorless and it smells really strong! I mean, I know what pee smells like, but this stuff is different! It smells weird, but it comes from the same place!" Tails finished while pointing again to the diapered front of the bottom of his body.

Sonic's confused expression suddenly disappeared as he realized what Tails was talking about in painstaking detail. His face instantly changed to that of shock as he stared at the young kit in bed in front of him. _No way! It can't be!_ Sonic thought to himself while his stunned expression stayed blankly frozen on his face. _I know he's growin' up and that animals develop quicker than Overlanders do, but is Tails really that old already?! He's not gonna be just a child forever, I guess, but I never really thought that it would happen so soon!_

Tails saw the drastic change in Sonic's expression as the blue hedgehog seemed to be lost in his shock. Tails didn't have a clue as to why Sonic would be alarmed at what he had just told him, but he knew that it did mean one thing; Sonic knew what was happening to him, and Tails was going to get him to tell him what it was, no matter what. "Sonic? What is it, Sonic? Did I say something wrong?" Tails inquired after a minute of silence passed by.

Sonic realized that he was being unresponsive and his mouth was still agape as he heard Tails' voice bringing him back to reality. Quickly, the blue hedgehog regained his composure and thought of something to tell the curious fox as an answer. "No, bud. You're right about what ya just said, it's just…" Sonic's voice trailed off as his mind refused to organize his jumbled thoughts into spoken words.

"It's just, what, Sonic?" Tails asked in an almost scared tone. A terrible thought had just entered the kit's mind that he couldn't immediately dismiss without the hedgehog's help. What if something was horribly wrong with him, and Sonic knew that his little problem was the only sign before he got really sick and died or something horrible like that?

Sonic noticed his brother's frightened tone and realized that he needed to choose his words from here on out very carefully. "Don't worry, Tails," he started to explain, "It's nothing bad. As a matter of fact, it's normal!"

"I never had this problem before when everything was still 'normal'!" Tails shouted back in impatience at Sonic's blatant dodging of his question. "What's going on with me, Sonic? I know you know what's wrong with me, so tell me!" the skeptical fox demanded.

"OK, OK, bro! Keep your cool, all right? There's absolutely nothing wrong with ya!" Sonic assured the worried fox.

"Then why did you act all surprised when I told you what the strange stuff was like?" Tails interrogated the suddenly uncomfortable hedgehog mercilessly.

"It's just, well, I was surprised because I didn't think ya were old enough to have this problem yet," Sonic truthfully answered the demanding kit.

"You mean, this was supposed to happen to me as I got older?" Tails spouted out instantly, completely dumbfounded at Sonic's explanation so far.

"Just as certain as old 'Buttnik was fat," Sonic convinced his confused audience of one. "What's happenin' to you is what happens to everyone when they get about your age, bud. Your body is growin' up, and that means it's gonna start doin' all sorts of different stuff now." Sonic prayed that the vague explanation would be enough for the young fox for tonight.

Sonic's hope wasn't very realistic, however, as Tails' natural curiosity demanded he learn exactly what was going on in his growing body. "Like what kind of stuff? Like this strange stuff that always makes my bed wet at night?" Tails continued to press for answers.

"First off, little buddy, that stuff's called semen, and, you're right; it's totally different than what comes out when ya use the bathroom," Sonic regrettably began a more detailed explanation that should satisfy the young fox cub.

"Sea men? Aren't those the people who sail around in boats and stuff?" Tails asked in a confused voice.

"No, little buddy! Not 'sea men', it's 'semen'," Sonic corrected his younger partner as he chuckled at the comical mistake Tails had made in mixing up the two similar sounding words.

"Ooooh," Tails responded at the correction, "But what's 'semen' anyway, Sonic?" he once again requested another explanation to explain the one that he had just heard.

Sonic didn't answer Tails immediately at this deceptively simple question. Sonic realized now that he would be forced to tell Tails everything about the birds and the bees if he wanted to satisfy the young kit's curiosity tonight. He gulped down a large lump in his throat as he dreaded the thought of what he had to do. Sally had always told Sonic that pretty soon he would need to give Tails 'the talk,' but he had always dismissed it as being a long ways off and had never prepared himself for this very moment right now when he really had to. Frantically searching his mind for a good starting point for this delicate topic, Sonic begrudgingly chose a course of action. "Ummm… OK, Tails. You know where babies come from, right?" he weakly spoke as his voice cracked from the pressure of his unexpected responsibility.

"Sure, from their mommies, but what does that have to do with 'semen'?" Tails quickly voiced back at the clearly unsettled hedgehog.

"Just hang on, bro, I'll get there," Sonic stopped the fox's constant questioning. "OK, well, do ya know how the babies get inside their mommies?" Sonic decided to keep up the question/answer format of the current discussion.

"Actually, I never thought about that!" Tails exclaimed in a surprised voice as he wondered why that simple question had never come to his mind before.

"That's probably a good thing, bud," Sonic commentated as he began to feel somewhat more relaxed at discussing the current topic. "Well, when a mommy and a daddy want to have a kid, they have to get together and do somethin' really special so it can grow in the mom's belly," Sonic continued on as he tried to avoid using a certain word or going into detail of what that 'special thing' was.

Once again, though, Tails dashed all the hedgehog's hopes of an easy explanation to smithereens as the fox broke in with the uninvited question, "What do they have to do, Sonic? Does it involve this 'semen'?"

Sonic groaned as he was once again forced to go deeper into a very delicate topic to answer the fox's question. This whole entire talk was getting really old to the tired hedgehog, but he knew that Tails would never settle for not knowing everything now that the kit was so interested in the subject. "They do somethin' that's very special and that should never be done unless you're married," Sonic answered the fox with a very stern voice. He knew that if he wasn't sure that Tails completely understood this point, he would never forgive himself, and Sally would also never forgive him either. "It's a really special thing called…" Sonic's voice caught in his throat as he struggled to tell his younger brother the dirty, three-letter word that put Tails' earlier one to shame, "…sex," the blue hedgehog almost whispered as he couldn't believe that he had managed to say that word to the innocent child in bed before him.

"Sex? What's sex?" Tails obviously missed the disdain with which Sonic used the word as the fox spoke the forbidden word like he would any other.

Now, Sonic realized that he really had a problem on his hands. If he didn't describe what sex was to Tails, he knew the fox would surely ask the next random person he met what the word meant and THAT would be guaranteed to make him catch it from Sally but good! Besides, he couldn't really think of a way to tell Tails what semen was for unless he described the action anyway. Heaving the heaviest sigh he had ever made in his life, Sonic unwillingly started his final, unenviable explanation. "If I tell ya what sex is, do ya promise not to talk about it with anyone else unless I say so?" Sonic needed the assurance that the rest of this conversation would never leave this small bedroom.

Tails eyes glowed brightly in their deep blue as he simply nodded his head in response. Sonic considered pressing for an audible, or even written, pact of silence, but quickly reminded himself that a nod from Tails was as good as any spoken promise given by anyone else.

"OK, then, but remember, ya promised!" Sonic still felt like he needed to reinforce the point regardless. "Well, when a guy and a girl have sex, the guy sticks his… Ummm… well, ya know what I'm talkin' about, right Tails?" Unfortunately, Sonic could tell by the look on Tails' face that the fox didn't know what he was talking about at all, and the hedgehog silently cursed whatever god or creature had forced him into this situation in the first place. "It's the part of ya the semen comes out of," Sonic finally found a good way to say what he meant without teaching the young fox any more bad words for the night.

He saw the expression on Tails' face change from confusion to understanding as he realized what the hedgehog was referring to. "Anyways, when two people have sex, the man sticks that thing into a small hole in the woman and lets his semen go into her body," Sonic quickly explained the complicated process as easily as he could to the young fox. He found himself cursing at his own mouth for every word that escaped his lips and was absorbed eagerly by the inquisitive fox. He managed to look up again at the young fox as he gauged the reaction this information had on the no longer completely innocent kit.

Tails' face betrayed an intricate mixture of surprise, understanding, bewilderment, and disgust as he tried to visualize the actions that Sonic had described. "So, the guy goes to the bathroom in the girl?!" Tails shouted much too loudly as he was completely revolted by the news he had just heard.

"NO!! No, no, no, no, no, no, NOOOoooo!" Sonic shouted as well as he quickly worried that someone had overheard Tails' earlier outburst in a neighboring hut and would now tell everyone what they had heard the fox say. "The man doesn't go to the bathroom in the woman, bro! He only lets her have his semen."

"But, why?! That just sounds gross!" Tails still spoke up a little louder than Sonic would have hoped.

"Shhhh! Keep it down, will ya, bud?!" Sonic silenced his loud little brother. "He does it because that's how the baby inside the mommy gets to grow, OK?"

"So semen is like baby juice, and sex is how it gets in the momma?" Tails attempted a crude summary of the long and arduous explanation.

"That's about it, little guy," Sonic congratulated the perceptive kit as he breathed a huge sigh of relief at having that finally over with. Given a choice, Sonic would have easily chosen to fight a hundred SWAT-bots on his own rather than go through that discussion again. Unfortunately for Sonic, the discussion wasn't over just yet as Tails started to apply what he had learned to his current situation of growing up and made a startling discovery.

"Wait a minute, Sonic. If that's what semen is for, why does it come out whenever I sleep?" Tails innocently questioned the blue hedgehog for the millionth time that night.

"Your body is always makin' more of it, bro, so it has to get rid of the old stuff while you're sleepin'," Sonic quickly knocked out the much easier question as he figured that this difficult discussion was coming to a thankful end. After a minute or more of silence, Sonic almost thought that he was right as Tails lay peacefully in his bed without saying another word. Then the brown-furred kit once again turned his head to meet eyes with the blue hedgehog as Tails asked the biggest question yet.

"So, Sonic, if my body is making semen now, and it's just going to waste at night when I sleep, doesn't that mean I'm supposed to have sex now that I'm old enough?" Tails asked in a totally clueless tone which was the only reason Sonic didn't spank him into the Void right then and there.

"NOOO!!" Sonic shouted furiously, at a volume that scared the young fox underneath his covers in fear. Sonic quickly recovered from his sudden rage as he felt extremely guilty for his angry outburst towards the kit who didn't really know any better. "Look, buddy, I'm sorry for that," Sonic sweetly tried to coax his crying brother back out from under his covers. "It's just, you gotta understand that just because your body may be old enough to have sex doesn't mean that you are old enough to be doin' it, 'kay, bud?"

The furry brown and white head of Tails slowly peeked out from his protective covers as he stared at Sonic with tear-filled eyes. "OK, Sonic. (sniff) I think I understand," the kit said as he finally realized Sonic wasn't going to hurt him and wiped his tears away with his hands.

"Good, little bro. As long as you remember that, everything will be fine," Sonic consoled the still slightly frightened kit. The fox calmed down considerably at his words as Sonic tucked the covers back around the young kit who he realized wouldn't be a kit for much longer at all. Just as Sonic stood to say goodnight and leave, Tails worked up the courage for one last question.

"Hey, Sonic?" Tails requested before the hedgehog could say goodnight, "What does sex feel like?"

"Tails, that's a question that I don't really wanna answer right now," Sonic gruffly responded as he felt his already raw nerves on the topic being tested yet again. He seriously contemplated turning around right then and there and dashing off into the night to avoid continuing the current discussion.

"Please, Sonic? I just want to know what it's like if I'm not allowed to do it myself yet," Tails reasoned with the blue hedgehog.

"And what makes ya so sure I know what it feels like?" Sonic shot back as a way to hopefully stop the fox's insatiable questioning.

"Well, you and Aunt Sally got married almost a year ago after we defeated Robotnik for the last time, so I figured maybe you would know?" Tails gave his complete train of thought.

Sonic didn't know whether to smile at the fox's incredible deductive reasoning or to smack him across his white-furred muzzle for being so blunt and forward about his and Sally's personal relationship. Tails didn't know it when he said his last sentence, but the young fox had just about stated that he knew what he and Sally did on their brief honeymoon together. Although it meant nothing in the way of embarrassment or shame since Sonic and Sally were married at the time, hearing it stated so bluntly from such an innocent mouth shook Sonic up inside. Finally, he decided on the third solution, which was to answer the fox's question truthfully.

"It feels like the best thing in the world, Tails. It's like you and your wife are one person in a land where only happiness exists and there's no evil to spoil or roboticize it. But it only feels good if it's done with the girl ya truly love and married," Sonic added the half-truth as a final deterrent to any fantasies the fox may have been imagining. The hedgehog knew that he was treading some really difficult water here by telling Tails what it felt like in such detail, and Sonic really hated water in the non-figurative sense already, but he couldn't find any reason to lie to the simply curious fox after everything else they had already talked about tonight.

Tails smiled at Sonic's miraculously patient reply. He had never heard his blue hero talk like that before, but the young fox knew exactly why Sonic was being so unusually sensitive. He really did love Sally, and not even Sonic's humongous ego could ever cover that up. "That's almost exactly what Aunt Sally said you would say," Tails spoke as he sat up in his bed to keep the blue hedgehog from leaving.

Sonic's inattentive ears caught the fox's final statement as the words finally registered in his mind half a second later. The retreating blue hedgehog immediately spun on his heels to face the smiling brown kit as his own green eyes tried to bug out of his head in surprise. "What'd ya just say, bro?! Sal already talked to ya about all this?!"

Tails nodded his head quickly as he smiled even wider at the look of pure shock and surprise on the hedgehog's face. "Yep! After Miss Rosie told her about what was going on with me at nights, Sally came in and explained everything to me," Tails informed the stunned Sonic as he began giggling at the funny expression glued to Sonic's face.

"So, ya already knew what was happenin' to ya and all about… (gulp) sex?!" Sonic begged for confirmation from the fox that could no longer keep a straight face.

"Yeah, Sally told me everything, Sonic. But, then she told me to ask you anyways because she thought that you could explain it better," Tails revealed the truth of the hedgehog's set up, now that it was already too late for the news to be of any use to the bewildered Sonic. "She was right, too. You explained it way better than she did," Tails added.

"But…, why would Sal make me go through all this if ya already knew what was goin' on?" Sonic now found himself the one asking the constant questions.

"She said it was a test to see if you would be a good daddy someday," Tails reiterated the exact words Sally had made him memorize to answer the expected question.

"A test?! Why would Sal do that ta' me after I've been gone for so long?!" Sonic allowed the smallest hint of anger enter his voice at the unpleasant situation he had been forced to go through by the one that he loved so much.

"'Cause I'm not going to be your little buddy for much longer, Sonic," Tails spoke the depressing sentence in a tone of voice that almost sounded glad.

"What'd ya mean by that, little bro?! You'll always be my little pal!" Sonic quickly said as he worried that his long absence had affected the young fox in a more serious way than just loneliness.

"Not your 'littlest' pal, though!" Tails threw Sonic off guard again as the fox said the gloomy phrase in a voice filled not with sadness, but rather with excitement and happiness.

"Hang on! What's that supposed ta' mean, bud! I don't…" Sonic begged the fox for answers as he was suddenly blinded by a bright light illuminating the fox's small hut's other, main room that caught him still standing in the doorway to Tails' bedroom. "What in the name of Walkers is goin' on here?!" Sonic shouted as he covered his eyes and squinted until they adjusted to the bright light in the other room. When his vision finally cleared, Sonic was found staring into a room filled with all his friends from the Freedom Fighters looking right at him with smiles on their faces and most of them laughing quietly as well. Sonic recognized everyone in the room in a heartbeat. There was Antoine standing hand-in-hand with his fiancé Bunnie as both of them tried to cover their laughter with their free hands, Rotor stood next to the light switch that betrayed him as the person who was to blame for blinding the hedgehog a minute ago, and Sally was fighting her own laughter while sitting in a chair against the far wall which everyone else circled around as Sonic slowly walked forward into the room followed immediately by Tails directly behind him.

Sonic was stunned to see all his friends gathered together as it finally registered to the hedgehog that, despite all his training as a near uncatchable Freedom Fighter, he had just fallen for the most elaborate trap of his life. Completely at a loss for words, he watched as Sally, his wife, stood up slowly from her chair with the gentle assistance of Bunnie from behind. The squirrel princess obviously had a very hard time with mobility because of her greatly enlarged belly, which Sonic only now noticed as she walked over to him with a smile on her face bright enough to easily take the place of the now illuminated artificial lights in the room. Sonic reached out to hug her, but found himself unable to do so because of his wife's unexpected, new girth and simply stood in place shocked as she stared at him lovingly. Finally, the hedgehog's mouth managed to work again as he glanced down at the squirrel's doubly expanded midsection, "Gee, Sal, it's great ta' see ya, but maybe ya should lay off the chili dogs for a while?" Sonic sarcastically joked. He cursed himself for not saying something more romantic or sensitive, but Sonic was who he was and he knew that Sally loved him for that exact reason.

Sally just laughed for a second at Sonic's stunned remark and his big, green, deer-in-the-headlights irises before she finally spoke herself. "Oh, Sonic. I missed you so much!" she said in a tender and care-free voice that most lovers would find difficult to use in a room filled with other people they know.

"I missed ya too, Sal," Sonic answered back in his best attempt at a romantic voice. "But, what's with the spare tire? Are ya gonna be playin' old Blubber-bolts in a skit tomorrow or what?" Sonic again resorted to joking around when he couldn't find the right way to say what he felt.

Sally only laughed again, followed by everyone else in the room as well, before the Acorn princess decided not to keep her husband waiting any longer. "No, Sonic. You were gone for so long that I wanted to tell you in a message, but I decided that I had to wait until I could talk to you face-to-face. Sonic…," Sally paused as she grabbed both the blue hedgehog's hands in a loose grip and forced him to look into her eyes, "You're going to be a daddy."

All the color in Sonic's face almost immediately drained away as his hands lost their grip on his wife's outstretched palms. He staggered slightly back and forth as Sonic's mind felt like an army of SWAT-bots were firing their arm-mounted laser cannons all at once inside his head. "I'm… You mean… You're... but…?" Sonic stammered incoherently as his brain reeled from the bombshell news. The blue hedgehog suddenly felt very woozy and put a hand up to still his spiraling head as, suddenly, the world around him faded quickly to black and Sonic fainted. His unconscious body fell straight backwards from where he had been standing and landed directly on the brown kit that had been unfortunate enough to be standing directly behind Sonic at the moment. Both went down in a pile, with Tails' small body serving as a pillow to cushion the unstable hedgehog's head from the hard floor.

"Hey! Whoa, Sonic!" Tails had shouted as he saw the blue hedgehog's body teeter backwards precariously towards him. Tails had tried to escape out from under the hedgehog's landing zone, but had been way too slow as Sonic's head collided with his white furred belly and the two went down together. "Ooooofff! Ooowww! Sonic, what'd you do that for?! Hey, get off of me!" Tails began shouting at the unconscious hedgehog as he tried to wriggle free from the fallen hero's crushing weight.

All the occupants in the room just stared and laughed loudly at the comical situation as not one person lifted a finger to help the trapped fox immediately. Rotor was the first to regain control of himself and speak at the unexpected development in their surprise plan for Sonic. "Well, I think he took that rather well," the blubbery mechanical genius spoke up with a mildly sarcastic tone.

"I concur weeth you, monsieur Rotor! I believe zat Soneec 'as taken eet quite well!" Antoine responded in his usual French accent as everyone continued to stare at the passed out hedgehog and the fox that was still trying to get out from under his body.

Bunnie quietly stepped up to place a supporting arm on Sally's shoulder while both women watched the sight with large smiles on their faces. "Ya sha' know how to pick um', Sally girl! Did ya hear how ol' Suga' Hog talked to little Tails earlier? He'll make a bang-up dad, tha's fo' shu'," the partly roboticized rabbit reassured her very close friend.

"I know, Bunnie," Sally smiled even wider as she replied, without even glancing up at the rabbit that had approached her. "Sonic will be a great father; I just know it."

"Not to sound rude or anything," an annoyed voice came from the floor in front of everyone's combined stares, "But do ya think someone could help me out here?!" Tails shouted as he drummed his fingers on the floorboards he was pinned down on by the fainted blue hedgehog. Finally, Rotor and Antoine managed to lift the unconscious hedgehog off the floor and free the young fox underneath as everyone burst into a fresh bout of laughter at the hilarious events of that night, and Sonic was temporarily propped up in a second chair until whatever time he finally decided to wake up from his shock-induced coma.


End file.
